Does anyone actually prefer Cottonelle toilet paper?

13 07 2011

Damn you Cottonelle, luring people in with your coupons and lower prices.. I’m convinced that they spray their shoddy rolls of toilet paper with lint, so that you have to use more just to wipe it all off. And what is the point of even perforating the sheets? They just rip down the middle or break up into lines unfit for wiping. Dusty butt no more, goodbye Cottonelle.

Le Whif – Whifable Chocolate

13 03 2011

Save your $6, stick a straw in powdered hot cocoa and inhale. I think I got two whifs out of each stick, and I was left thinking this is so unremarkable, I must’ve done it wrong? If I can save one person from buying this, my job here is done.

Jaqua Pink Buttercream Frosting Shower Creme

31 07 2010

It smells like plastic. Its $18. Don’t waste your money on this stuff, its hype in a pink pretty little container.

I’d like to punch Volkswagens Marketing Team

29 04 2010

Stop promoting punching VW!

Driving your kids around just to watch people hit each other as you pass should not be family entertainment. It does not make for entertaining commercials either. Stop it.

What’s with all these Jersey Reality Shows?

25 04 2010

I live in New Jersey. I have not seen any tanned, pouffy haired, stilletto platform, skinny jeaned wearing Italian women yet. Nor have I seen any 6 pack, bronzed, ed hardy t-shirt wearing Italian men.

But MTV and Bravo, and now Oxygen network are promoting this particular group of people non-stop. I ask, what New Jersey are they talking about?

Gold Bond Ultimate Sanitizing Moisturizer

22 04 2010

People skeeve bacteria. We get paranoid after we touch subway poles, door handles, each other. So some genius comes along and creates hand sanitizing gel, and our bacterial paranoia is calmed. All is well. Then, we start thinking.. ‘Hmm, Not only would I like clean sanitized hands, I want them to be soft and moist..’ and out comes Hand Sanitizing Hand Lotion.
Ultimately a good idea, but by far one of the worst? Gold Bond Ultimate Hand Sanitizing Moisturizer. Why? Because it makes your hands smell like garbage.

Ok, thats not fair.. I’ll be more specific, for those of you that know me, I’m all about scent.. so here is my description: Take an ash tray, pour some water in it, let it sit overnight then dump it on your carpet, spray some sea scented airfreshener all over it and voila! Gold Bond Hand Sanitizing Moisturizer. In other words, it smells musty and dirty, covered with a “fresh scent”. Honestly, avoid it all costs, even if youve got a coupon that would practically make it free.

Try instead: Bath and Body Works HandiBac Moisturizing Hand Lotion